Parmi la foule. Episode 24.

 I want to stumble. On this day. I would like to talk about my nephew. He is a hero and a survivor. My sister invited herself for Christmasday and took the half of her twins. Because he thought it was time to see each other again. So he sat down and during the meal he poured his heart out. About his fear for his father, not feeling seen. About the right winged political choice of his mother, trying to convince her to think about his future. About he never have felt butterflies, for someone. About his not diagnosed autism. About not feeling comfortable at parties. About not drinking and smoking. About feeling more at ease with plants and flowers. About wanting to go to thrift stores together. To do more things together. To visit us more. About ‘a I want to come over to let you check my papers’. At the end of their visit he gave me a written card, about how glad he is that we started to send each other photos of plants and fungi..plants and fungi..plants and fungi

Parmi la foule. Episode 23.

Your art is mine, or your artwork is mine. What is it what you call art. Is it art when a lot of people call it that, and they push each other up. Until they reach unreality. How can images be competitive 

Why does one need to be the best. That’s the thing I, do not like competition. Because I loose myself. I fancy a ballet lesson with the British choreographer Anthony Tudor. I would like to write a journal of solitude ( in the evening I always seem to have forgotten how troubled the daytime was). May Sarton writes about writing and solitude. My mother used to brush her teeth with bleach. I have never liked very white teeth. Perfection bores me. I need to talk to someone, someone who knows about things, about things about how one can be.

So yesterday I went, I wanted to turn around every few meters. In the giant hall of the hospital the internet failed, it took me some time to find the right spot. There are so many receptions that it isn’t client friendly anymore. I got some great advice for searching advice. And help.

This morning I ran with the dog during the moment that parents are bringing their children to school. A mother said to her little ones: luckily we're allowed to start everyday anew.

I am just visiting. I want to stumble.